Two years after

So, once in the 1990s tim_maroney was visiting New York and spent a few days in our guest room. I was working for Crossover at the time and had fairly flexible hours, so I was home late in the morning when Tim had requested to be awakened--the ungodly time of 10:30 AM.

So at the appointed half-hour, I knocked on the door and got no response.

I knocked again and heard a rumbled "Go 'way!"

I knocked again and opened the door. "Go 'way!"

"You asked to be awakened at 10:30. It is now 10:30. Be awakened."

"Go 'way."

"I shall not go away until my duty to awaken you is complete."

"Bring me ocelot."

"What?"

"Bring me ocelot or go 'way."

Sighing, I stepped back out of the guest room and hollered, "nellorat, do we have an ocelot?"

"I have a Stieff ocelot downstairs. Do you want me to get it?"

"I think it's necessary, yes."

Within a minute, the ocelot was presented to our layabed guest. He looked at it, blinked hard, sat up. "Okay, that's an ocelot."

And that was how I woke Tim with an ocelot.

( The Resting Place )

Amusingly surreal porn spam

More and more spam is packed with random quotations from pre-existing works; this is in the hopes that the random words or word salad will help the spam get through content-based filters. This one was particularly wacko, though:

( Warning: No Porn Link Ahead )