Lessons in Global Strategy

From the McSweeney's series of "Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond":

An Open Letter to William Kristol, Richard Perle, and President Bush's Other Neoconservative Puppetmasters

Dear Bill, Dick, et al:

Why didn't you tell President Bush to invade Western Australia first?

I've been playing Risk: The Game of Global Domination since I was eight years old and never, never have I seen someone win the game by massing their forces in the Middle East at the beginning of the game. Too many borders! Impossible to reinforce! Enemies from all directions! Australia, on the other hand, is easily conquered. Start in Western Australia, make a straight-line march through eastern Australia, then on into New Zealand and New Guinea, and finally up to Siam, sealing the entire continent and guaranteeing an extra two armies per turn for the duration of game. (Ask Secretary Rumsfeld if those would come in handy.)

and more.

The next battleground

Not for the US, not immediately, but I'm suddenly very afraid for Nigeria:

Thousands of Muslims Flee Nigeria Town After Attack

LAFIA, Nigeria (Reuters) - Thousands of Nigerian Muslims fled the town of Yelwa Friday after an attack by Christian militia killed hundreds of their townsfolk Sunday.

...

The origin of the conflict between the Christian Tarok and the Muslim Fulani is rooted in their competing claims over the fertile farmlands of Plateau state in central Nigeria.

But it has been stoked religious hatred and the sense among the Christian population that Muslims are outsiders in Plateau.

Survivors of the Yelwa massacre said they had buried 630 corpses in several mass graves around the remote market town after Sunday's attack. It was not possible to confirm the figure independently, but a senior policeman spoke of "hundreds" dead.

Presidential spokeswoman Remi Oyo said 630 dead was an exaggeration, but offered no further information.

...

Nigeria's population of 130 million is split roughly equally between Muslims and Christians.

Modern military and propaganda techniques and bitter post-colonial rivalries: a true marriage of hell.