The past through the eyes of the future

Here's an article that should have been written a decade ago, and should be written a decade from now, as well:

Child's Play
Electronic Gaming Monthly, Oct 2003

Would today's tykes tolerate the classic games you grew up with? Kids do say the darndest things in this uncut version of an EGM article....

Excerpts:

Pong

John: I'd sooner jump up and down on one foot. By the way, is this supposed to be tennis or Ping-Pong?
Becky: Ping-Pong.
Gordon: It doesn't even go over the net. It goes through it. I don't even think that thing in the middle is a net.
Tim: My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line. Fear my pink line. You have no chance. I am the undisputed lord of virtual tennis. [Misses ball] Whoops.

Donkey Kong

Tim: It's strange that fire moves in this and has eyes. Oh no, the fire's coming. It's going to eat you. Are these barrels alive, too? Everything's alive. And Donkey Kong's mouth is made of pluses. Look: Plus, plus, plus, minus. They're trying to teach you math by brainwashing you.

Electronic Football

Brian: What's this supposed to be?
EGM: Football. It's one of the first great portable games.
Brian: I thought it was Run Away From the Dots.
John: I don't see how this has anything remotely to do with football.
EGM: Which team are you playing?
Kirk: The red lines.

Tetris

Tim: Which button do I press to make the blocks explode?
EGM: Sorry, they don't explode.
Becky: This is boring. Maybe if it had characters and stuff and different levels, it would be OK. If things blew up or something or--

And more.

This is particularly amusing when combined with Greg Costikyan's recent survey, "The 300 Games Every Game Developer (and Gamer) Should Know".